The Choices we Make

The Choices we Make in life, determine our success in life, and reveal our character. Make intelligent choices!


Now you’ve Done It

Yesterday, on August 25, 2014, almost 11 full months after I wrote this, I came across it again. I am not sure how I came across this poem, as it was deeply buried in a filing system that even I cannot understand. However, I found it, and thought it perfect for posting to The Choices We Make blog. Perfect, because in it I see my frustration with Abandonment, Alcoholism, Liver Disease, and Financial Stress – all of which are themes of this blog.

despair is not fun

What does life have in store?

Now you’ve Done It

by Pat Dowling

alcohol, bottoms up
never home, life disrupt hiccup

away from home
family suffers
come on back, no more roam

alcohol, drink it up
hospital bound, don’t give a frump pup


time to quit
heads up, time to admit

away from the home
family suffers
come on back, no more roam

now you’ve done it
ruined your life, and all in it


waiting to die, while on the list
your own damn fault, and we’re all pissed

away from the home
family suffers
come on back, no more roam

list is crazy, catch 22
MELD to low, your times up too


Life or death, now awaits
You’ve tempted it long, now your fate. 


I wrote this on October 9, 2013, while sitting in the hospital with my wife, who had already been hospitalized 9 times that year. Little did I know at that time, her 12th hospitalization would come in December. Even less did I know that she would not come home from her December hospitalization, until 1 week after her transplant on February 4. Feeling pretty low then, who would have guessed her fate brought her back home again?

But back in that dingy hospital room, full of bed pans and throw up pans, I was getting pretty tired of all the hospitalizations, and other things directly resultant from those hospitalizations. For example, since she originally came home in June of 2011, we had been paying $3,000 a month for 2 really great ladies to be with Vicki, so that I could work. Her illness’s which she directly caused were getting very old.

On that Wednesday, I was feeling pretty low and in despair. While sitting in the alcove in one of those very uncomfortable vinyl clad chairs, I began to write. I turned to poetry, to help ease my mind, which I had never done or since. I have never understood poetry, but for some reason, this was the right time, I was in the right place, and my mind churned out the “Now you’ve Done It”.

Interestingly enough, after reviewing this poem for the first time in a nearly a year, I only made two word changes. Two words, which I believe do not change the meaning of the poem, but rhyme better. Those two words, are lined through above in the the first stanza – 2nd and 7th line.

Substituting hiccup for disrupt, while not meaning the exact same thing, both do represent disruptions in something. And substituting pup for frump adds a better rhyming word (and hides the thought going through my mind better;-).

Since this is my first attempt at poetry, and a clear view into my frustration, I would appreciate any and all feedback. Up until this time, I have tried to poor my heart out in my writings, but feel that it is still guarded to some extent. This poem however, comes from dark places I don’t see too often, and hope that it helps you as much as it has I.

What words would you have used?

Would you have chosen different words to rhyme?

Does rhyming even matter?

We Are, The Choices We Make

ShareFacebooktwitterlinkedinmailby feather
FollowFacebooktwitterlinkedininstagrammailby feather

  3 comments for “Now you’ve Done It

  1. morgan heil carey
    October 11, 2014 at 15:19

    That is amazing Pat. Brings tears to my eyes every time I read it. You have a lot of people that live and care about you n your family.

    • October 21, 2014 at 11:46

      You are too kind.
      I have many fond, and some not so fond memories of you too when you were younger.
      Like those times of trouble above the garage.
      Thanks so much for reading, and spread the word.

      • morgan heil carey
        October 28, 2014 at 15:43

        I certainly will…. Oh the garage, how could I forget? Yes, they’re were good and bad times, with Nicole and I sometimes as partners in crime, but to me the good memories outweigh the bad. Without your family, I never would have had as many neat experiences as I did, and learned some really important lessons in life…. Though some were not realized until later in life.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *