It has been a full 4 or 5 years since I first thought about putting this blog together. Finally, my first attempt in March of 2013 languished after the initial post (If you want to laugh, go take a look at http://livingwithanalcoholicspouse.wordpress.com/). Why did I fail to follow through?
Being overwhelmed is a paralyzing state. Merriam Webster defines Overwhelm as: upset, overthrow, and this is close, but I don’t believe descriptive enough. I would define Overwhelm as a complete sense of being overrun by life, where you are not only paralyzed to act, but fearful of acting and without hope.
With a wife that was first a non-functioning alcoholic, living outside the house, pressured by work, completely focused on maintaining some semblance of normalcy for kids, bills piling up and demands from friends and even family to deliver – one can easily become overwhelmed.
I still find myself in moments of despair, not knowing where to start, not remembering what has to be done, just wanting to be left alone to do nothing for a few minutes, more like hours, more like days at a time. And when you feel like this, the exact same thing happens, nothing! Well perhaps enough to get by, but never enough to make you feel good, to allow you to feel like there is a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel.
And yet, an amazing thing continues to happen, over and over again. A friend shows up, your kids do something really stupid/funny. A brief stroke of luck or blessing from God presents itself. And anyone of these is enough for that spark to re-ignite and get you moving. I think that alcoholics who finally decide to change refer to this as hitting bottom? Mild mannered action hero’s finally just have enough! In both cases, their resolve to take action, to make positive choices, finally kicks in and they act.
And that is what is exactly happening to me now. I have had enough. I have had enough of companies vitriol of caring for employees. I have had enough of banks claiming to care for you as a customer, but then shoving you to the curb as soon as you have an issue. Of friends who are good as long as the time is good, but disappear as soon as you need help.
It is time to stop feeling sorry for myself, and to take control of my life, and my families life and future. To stop feeling whoa is me. To stop feeling that something will happen to solve the problem. To stop thinking it is not fair. To Start doing for self and family.
This blog is my Choice – The Choice that I have taken to
start again, and to take back control of my life, and the life of my family. I hope to comment on and provide information related to those tragedies of my life (spousal alcoholism, family, rising above despair, liver disease and transplantation, inspiration, self-doubt and pity), and I hope most of all to provide you my friends peace of mind and direction to rise above those problems and to move forward.
In the end, Life is Good and is ours to live.Shareby